“The Truth Shall Set You Free”
I’ve heard this saying in the past and never thought much of it. I always prided myself in living an honest and truthful life.
Or so I thought.
Until one day I realized that I’ve been lying to myself and everyone else (husband included) for years.
Pretending that I was fine, happy and content. Strong and resilient. That I don’t need help and can handle anything life throws at me. I was so wrong. You see, what happens when you pretend and put on this act of “I’m fine, I got this!”, is one day, you will reach a breaking point and something so unimportant, so irrelevant and so not an issue, will become one….a huge one! I was talking to a friend about this and she put it in terms I can relate to. She said, people are like pressure cookers, an Instant Pot if you will. The pressure builds and builds within us as we go about our day handling the stressors of everyday life. But, if we don’t release the pressure (through meditation, exercise, healthy lifestyle, therapy and taking care of our minds) before opening the lid, the pressure cooker (us) will explode!
If that’s not the best analogy, I don’t know what is!
The many years of suppressing my feelings and letting the stress build up finally took a toll on me until one day I found myself alone in my room hysterically crying, feeling worthless, feeling like a failure and feeling like I couldn’t do anything right.
Remember…depression is stress that has been suppressed for a very long time.
I will never forget that pivotal moment. I sat alone on the bed for a while, listening to my kids downstairs playing and laughing and going about their day like normal. And I thought to myself, this has got to stop. I can’t keep pretending like everything is ok….that I am ok. What triggered my anxiety attack that day was so ridiculous that I’ll probably look back in a year and not have any recollection of why I got upset in the first place. And yet, I was in my room, heart racing, palms sweating, hands shaking, hysterically crying because my mental state had reached a breaking point.
To be honest, I felt numb for the rest of the day. I went through the motions and did what I had to do to get through yet another day of my life. I went to sleep and something (the Universe, God, my guardian angels) woke me early the next morning and spoke to me.
As the kids lay peacefully in their bed sleeping in the wee early morning, I began typing out something on my phone that I didn’t intend to send out to the world. The words just poured out of me so naturally and I don’t remember even really thinking about what I was typing, It just came out. And then something in me hit send.
I was free.
It was now out there for the world to know. I didn’t care what people were going to think. I didn’t care anymore if people knew that “I didn’t always have it together” and I didn’t care if people disagreed with me sharing my struggles with the world. I knew some people would think “wow, I can’t believe she is telling everyone something so private.”. I was ok with that because I knew that there would be people that would also say “wow, I’m going through the same thing. I can relate.”
This was my journey and there is no requirement that everyone had to understand it and agree with it.
Something made me share my struggles with the world that day. And after reflecting on it all week, I’ve come to a realization.
I realize now that through my own struggles, I have a bigger purpose of helping others get through their depression and anxiety by taking them on my journey of self healing. If I can help at least one person through my experience, then I would have done my job.
If there is one thing I learned this week it’s that we are all going through some sort of struggle in life. The most put together, successful, beautiful and wealthy people included. We are all human and we need to be more aware of our mental health just as much as we are aware of our physical health. I’ve also learned through the outpouring of people who reached out to me, that we are a lot more alike than different. We all want love, we all want to be seen, and we all want peace in our hearts which is why it’s so important to show empathy, compassion and kindness to everyone.
Now that my truth is out there for the world to know, I feel free. I no longer have to be this person I’m not and I can be my real authentic self, as imperfect as I am. I have a long road ahead of me but I feel good about the future. I know that I will find my peace and joy that I once had in my heart and soul. I had it before. I just need to get it back. Letting go of the past and revealing my truth is the beginning of this beautiful journey.
If you are going through struggles in your life, feel alone, inadequate, out of place, sad, worthless, etc…. just remember that this too shall pass. Once you admit to your pain and struggles and decide you’re going to do something about it, just watch how much goodness and positivity you will see pouring into your life. I have.
I came across this the other day and it really resonated with me.
“She let it go.
She was ready to vibrate higher and become a magnet to miracles.
Now she is in this place where everything feels right.
Her heart is calm.
Her soul is lit.
Her vision is clear.
She’s at peace with where she’s been.
And at peace with where she’s headed.”
Thank you so much for reading.